Unfortunately, the people who read my articles or visit my blog are probably experiencing one of the most painful of all marital situations - an affair. I know how painful and devastating this is because I have been through it myself. And, I know that at times, it can feel like you will never be able to move on. Some of the most common comments I get are things like: "how can I really and truly get over this betrayal?;" "will I ever feel normal and at peace again?;" "why can't I get these images of my husband and this woman out of my mind?;" and "I want to move past this affair, but I just can't seem to do it. I can't seem to get past this anger."
These are all normal responses. And, feeling this way is really no indication that you won't ultimately be able to move on. I believe there are a few universal things that a wife needs in order to truly heal and move forward, once and for all. I will list and discuss these things in this article.
You Must Feel Heard, Validated, And Understood: I can not tell you how many wives tell me things like "I don't believe that my husband is really sorry about the affair. He's just sorry that he's been caught." Or, "he almost acts as if I am to blame for his affair." But, on the other side of the fence, countless husbands tell me "I'm devastated that I did this to her, but I don't know how to fix it. She won't even let me near her and she's disgusted at the thought of me touching her, so I just hang back, stay out of her way, and do nothing - and then I feel so helpless." Get Internet #1 - How To Get Over Being Cheated On By Wife @ http://datingcure01.webs.com and get your ex back right now!
This is a cycle that is so common, but so destructive. It creates a distance, a self fulfilling prophecy, and a heavy tension that is hard to move past. In order to forgive and move on after an affair, you absolutely need to feel that your husband knows exactly what this has done to you, that you have an absolute right to feel this way, and that he takes responsibility for it. If this doesn't happen, your anger and unresolved resentment is just going to feed upon itself.
Never blame yourself or allow him to place the blame on you. Regardless of the things you could or should have done --regardless of the vulnerabilities in your marriage -- he chose to have the affair of his own free will (often in an attempt to boost his low or sagging self esteem.) That is his shortcoming, not yours.
You Must Know (And Make Sure) That This Is Not Going To Happen Again: In order to restore trust and intimacy, you will need to know that you'll never have to revisit this cheating issue. Your marriage can not heal if you secretly doubt your husband or are always living in fear he's going to cheat again. So, it's necessary to have the sometimes difficult discussions as to exactly why the affair happened and what you can do to prevent it from happening again.
Sometimes, this will require a change in lifestyle and full accountability on the part of your husband. If you need the cell phone and email records to be available to you, say so. If you want him to check in so that you aren't worrying where he is, speak up. You don't have to do these things in a nasty or negative way. Just calmly explain that you're working very hard to move forward, but you will need for him to give you what you need to make this happen, which leads me to.... Get Internet #1 - How To Get Over Being Cheated On By Wife @ http://datingcure01.webs.com and get your ex back right now!
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Can’t get over your ex? Regret what you have done?
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