FIRST Person: Real Parent Story response to Nick Clegg Toxic Parenting Report Launch

Jan. 20, 2011 - PRLog -- Parenting for the 21st Century
By Madeleine White

Last week I did a 70 hour week including travel. Not because I was forced to, but because as Head of Marketing for Maths-Whizz, an international online tutor, I am passionate about creating opportunities for 5-13 year olds to truly engage with education.
The reason for these excessive hours was the  BETT UK fair, the largest educational exhibition of its kind. However, I regularly work and travel up to 60 hours.  This particular week my work involved attending two receptions and two surrounding conferences. I also had to co-ordinate TV, newspaper and radio interviews and our school box campaign. The UK and US Maths-Whizz marketing departments also created all the communicational materials around the show and the conferences. At the same time though,  I still had to be mother to Callum (nearly 15), Lucy, (nearly 13) and Erin (6).
This mothering part of my life (incidentally not reflected in the 70 hours quoted above) involved organising cover for the childminder from my mobile phone in London (because my regular childminder got ill); communicating with Callum’s school (they texted me because he had arrived for registration late twice running) and coming home on Wednesday night ( I had promised Erin I would put her to bed). My last major task was sorting out photo ID for Lucy, as we had realised her passport was out of date and she was flying to Ireland the following  weekend.
A report  created by Demos, funded by the Children’s Commissioner and endorsed by Nick Clegg was launched this Tuesday. Headlines that accompanied the launch talked of the ‘Toxic Mix’ of long hours and demanding jobs in terms of effect on parenting ability and confidence. It went on to say that both working mothers and fathers are becoming increasingly withdrawn from their children because of the demands of the modern working world.
I am lucky, I have been married to my husband for nearly twenty years and we have found over this time that childcare is best when it is shared. Evan also works full time, however, at least he works relatively locally which means that he is able to take the lion’s share of responsibility for managing our life in Broadstairs, over 70 miles away from the Whizz Education Base in London. This home support, added to the fact that my job is exciting, fulfilling and pretty flexible in terms of how I work begs the question as to why the headline around withdrawing and feeling isolated resonated so much....
After a couple of days research and soul searching I have come to the conclusion that we are working in the 21st Century, but trying to apply 20th Century rules.
Fact 1:
Most of us need to have two household incomes, but want our children to be sufficiently successful not to be in our position.

Fact 2:
More women are now working than ever before (1 in 6 in 1951 to 2 in 3 in 2008). We are educated to a greater degree and want a fulfilling work life -  most of us are also mothers.

Fact 3:
We generally want to be the best parents we can and because of the pressures of achievement that are part of 21st century, judge ourselves much more harshly than in previous times.
We are working in the knowledge age, but we are not using sufficient positives in terms of using its tools to make our family lives more positive also. For example, in this the modern era of 24/7 connectedness, the way we are working in does not filter through to family communication in most cases ( other than sending your teenagers the odd text to check they are on their way home or seeing whether they’re up to no good on Facebook!). The demanding international schedules and constant connectedness that are required are not reflected in terms of levels of flexibility offered in the majority of work environments.  We are using social networking groups to define us as digital creatures, rather than using it as a starting point for real relationships. However, because most of us are limited in terms of understanding as to how some of the cutting edge innovations around education and remote engagement,  these opportunities are not being sufficiently implemented.

I could go on – however, I would much rather look at some of the solutions that already exist, addressing a way of marrying 21st century living to 21st century working. One of the reasons I am so passionate about Maths-Whizz and what it represents is that it has created a safe understandable frame-work that allows me to participate in Erin’s life, albeit remotely. This parental engagement is a key element of raising standards in Maths as it creates confidence and, in Erin’s case, an understanding of the fact that Mum is still around and involved. I am able to send her online messages through Maths-Whizz and virtual certificates and stickers for achievement. Shortly, she will also be able to Email me safely, knowing all along that I am also in touch with her teacher through this system. I know it works as well – her Maths Age has gone up by nearly one year in 4 months.
I mentioned texting earlier. I started off just texting Lucy and Callum when they were on their way from somewhere. Because I got such a lovely response from Lucy in particular, I am now sending her messages and links and she has taught me that lol doesn’t actually mean lots of love. When I am travelling I use Skype and they get to see me, not quite as if I was in the same room but still... and CISCO is developing some even more exciting innovations around virtual communication. I have also recently been introduced to a product called the Magic Desktop, a downloadable desktop that allows children to access the internet and communicate with their parents in absolute cybersafety.
I do still feel isolated and I do feel guilty, despite these superb services. However, the launch of the Home Front report and Dr Maggie Atkinson (Children’s Commissioner for England) comment as well as my research has had a profound effect in terms of empowerment.
“(This report) is a powerful example of how children are at the heart of families, and meeting their needs is key to understanding many of the decisions parents make.”
I am going to educate myself in terms of what is available. If I wish to empower my children to develop crucial character capabilities – empathy, application and self-regulation I need to empower myself also. Services such as Maths-Whizz (www.whizz.com  ) and the magic desktop (www.magicdesktop.com)   create engagement and communication in a 21st century way. One feels isolated if one feels alone, one withdraws if one feels one has no choice; we as stressed and stretched modern parents have the ability to work with organisations, employers in order to shape our freedom to balance our family life with responsibilities at work, we just need to know what’s out there.

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Whizz education - Defining global standards, Delivering individual learning

Whizz Education delivers happiness in numbers globally for 5 to 13 year olds through its online tutoring service Maths-Whizz by building confidence in homes and schools