The Only Thing Tighter than the Leotard Was the Budget

Sept. 9, 2010 - PRLog -- The challenge came in a dream. "Make the cheapest super-hero movie ever!" Carl Darchuk woke with the determination to rise to the challenge and make a pathetically cheap movie. He then confided to his partner Mary Lewallen who had a good laugh, then agreed that it could be the challenge of a lifetime. They had no money. They had no talent. Although Carl's wife thinks he's a genius, he wouldn't let his limitations limit him, nay, he would celebrate his limitations!

First he needed to find a multi-skilled cast who shared his enthusiasm. Notices for casting went out through Los Angeles and the results were staggering: only five people had shown up! What was Darchuk going to do? After all, there was a cast of over thirty incredibly delicious characters. Darchuk quickly swung into action by casting himself as one of the leads. This was strictly a non-union job. The others who showed up at audition were also cast and the zany script was read, but the leading lady had to be recast because she partied the night before and overslept. The next leading lady cast had objections to a simple kiss and a photograph of her in sleepwear. Finally, the perfect actress woman showed up. Actually, Darchuk begged a former acting classmate to take the role. To be fair, he only promised her that she "might become a star" because of her delicately nuanced work in the film. Once she reluctantly agreed, dates were set, and technical people were brought on to solve the enormous challenge of shooting a feature film in merely ten days.  

The intricate plot centers on Ralphee Tarantimo, who works at a video store, but by night he assumes his alter-ego, Xtra-Man, ministering to downtrodden and abused extras all over Hollygood. The production ground to a halt when the two male leads couldn't agree who should play the title role. Disaster is averted as the leading lady convinces them to share the role. They all stumble through making their movie with the aid of her boyfriend, an ex-con biker, a bubbly stripper, and a homeless dude who gets to play God. Now stay with me here, God sends Ralphee a styrofoam tablet with a mysterious inscription, so Lois Lame, a shy loner who frequents Ralphee's store, helps him seek out the ghost of Charlton Feston in Beverly Frills. Feston reads the tablet and announces that it is the Eleventh Commandment: "THOU SHALT HONOR THY EXTRAS ON OFSCAR NIGHT." Still with me? Good! Ralphee tries to organize a massive rally of extras, but very few show up and Xtra-Man is put in a coma by a bullet from Lois' jealous boyfriend. After God invites Lois to become Xtra-Woman, she busts producers and casting directors all over Hollygood--so much so that the producers relent and announce the inclusion of the Ofscar for the best Extra, and who should it go to but Ralphee Tarrantimo, who wakes up during the ceremony—a fitting tribute to the power of little gold statues in Hollygood. The fruits of their labor can be seen at: www.PatheticallyCheapAdventures.com which includes a trailer and a clip of two very wacky televangelists.

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Pathetically Cheap Adventures, LLC was formed by Carl Darchuk and Mary Lewallen to produce entertaining escapist movies. No longer does the film market need to be dominated by multi-million dollar epics.