Instructions for kids are sometimes not as simple as they seem

Aug. 3, 2010 - PRLog -- Dear Dr. Fournier:

I get so frustrated with my son.  I tell him to do things and he starts and then forgets everything else.  When I get angry, he says he can’t help it - he just can’t remember.  He cries when I punish him.  Even after he is punished, he still does this.  He just doesn’t listen.

Kerry, TX

Dear Kerry:

It is easy to confuse hearing and listening.  While your child may be hearing your instructions, that does not mean they have learned to add the mindfulness and attention required for listening.

ASSESSMENT

Parents can help their children develop the mindfulness necessary to capture the message intended once we know hearing is not an issue.

Before trying to develop this skill in your child, begin by listening to yourself.  Think of a typical set of instructions you give your child and count the individual steps required.

For example, you may give what you believe to be a simple instruction: “Bring me your laundry and make sure it’s ready to be washed before I get busy with dinner.”  However, this com¬mand requires at least seven steps:

1. Go to your room
2. Get your dirty clothes
3. Take them to the laundry room
4. Separate them by color
5. Add them to the right stacks
6. Empty out all pockets
7. Do it before dinner.

Although parents view their instructions as simple and to the point, they are often quite complicated for children.

WHAT TO DO

Kerry, begin by giving your child an instruction that has no more than three parts.  Once you have said the instructions, go over it again and teach your child to separate the tasks with you.

“Let’s see how many things you have to do.  First, go upstairs,” you might say while holding up one finger. “Second, get your dirty laundry.  Third, bring it to the laundry room.”  Next, ask your son to find one word to represent each of his three fingers, such as:

1. Upstairs
2. Laundry
3. Laundry room.

Now your instructions have been broken into individual tasks and clarified.  By having your son give one-word summaries, you will also know that hearing has taken place.

Once he can complete three tasks with one instruction, move to four and then to five.  By then, see if he can quantify and summarize (find key words and create a sequence from these:  upstairs, laundry, laundry room, separate, group, and done!) on his own.

Your son's ears are responsible for hearing, and his mind is responsible for listening. Try not to confuse these two skills - one is innate, the other you must help to develop with practice and patience.

Mindful attention from our children begins with calculated and thorough teaching by parents.

CONTACT DR. FOURNIER

Have a question about education, education-related issues or your child’s schoolwork or homework? Ask Dr. Fournier and look for her answer in this column. E-mail your question or comment to Dr. Yvonne Fournier at drfournier@hfhw.net.

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For 30 years, Dr. Yvonne Fournier has been helping children become more successful in school. Her column, "Hassle-Free Homework," was published by Scripps Howard News Service for 20 years. She holds her doctorate in education.