As a committed advocate for divorcing individuals as well as for children of divorce, divorce therapist Dr. Deborah Hecker is proud to be an expert participant in National Child-Centered Divorce Month. In recognition of the difficulty some people have in seeking therapy, Dr. Hecker is offering a free fifty-minute counseling session to consumers who call her toll-free number.
National Child-Centered Divorce month was founded by Rosalind Sedacca to raise awareness of the emotional needs of children of separating and divorcing parents. Children often suffer for years after parents divorce due to ongoing bitterness, anger, and power struggles between co-parenting ex-spouses. Dr. Hecker's practice focuses on helping divorcing individuals through the process of emotionally disengaging from their ex-spouses and leading happy, emotionally healthy, and fulfilling lives post-divorce.
For better or for worse, most couples with children will continue to co-parent long after the divorce is final. This places a great deal of pressure on children, and the pressure is dramatically worse when parents don't work out their differences so they can both participate in raising their children effectively. Sadly, many children hear their parents fighting and calling one another names and are treated as pawns in ongoing custody battles for many years following their parents' divorces. Some studies indicate that this is more harmful to children than the initial event of parental separation and divorce - and these battles occur on top of marital fights these children may have witnessed or even been drawn in to as unwilling participants prior to the divorce.
The anxiety and stress children suffer from divorced parents who don't get along often follow them into adulthood. Advice columns are filled with anguished letters from adult children of divorce who are trying to figure out how to include both parents at events such as graduations, weddings, and holidays without having the occasion ruined for everyone by a parental battle or one parent's refusal to attend.
National Child-Centered Divorce Month is an opportunity for divorce professionals to remind parents that no matter how much divorcing spouses dislike one another, the needs of the children should be first priority during and after divorce proceedings. Dr. Hecker recognizes that this is very difficult for many divorcing parents, who are often swept up in their personal divorce traumas. She advocates divorce counseling for these individuals and is willing to offer her expertise in a free fifty-minute counseling session to support their efforts. "Divorce counseling helps parents work through their feelings, as well as many of the logistical issues of divorce, much faster and more completely than when parents struggle through this transition on their own, giving parents more energy to devote to their children’s emotional needs," says Dr. Hecker.
In addition, Dr. Hecker offers the following tips to divorcing parents:
-Avoid treating children, including adult children, as confidants regarding your divorce.
-Consult a professional about what messages children need to hear throughout the process, i.e. frequent reassurances that both parents still love them.
-Avoid speaking negatively of the child's other parent in front of the child. Vent in private, whether in person or on the phone.
-Keep your child's best interests in mind throughout and following the divorce. If your child would enjoy gymnastics lessons, for example, don't nix them because you can't afford them if your co-parent offers to pay.
-Work on rebuilding your own self-esteem throughout the process; it will improve your mood and make you a better parent.
Learn more about National Child-Centered Divorce Month at http://www.childsharing.com/
