The big game is over. And now that the winning Spaniards have shed copious tears in each others' arms, I can be honest about the World Cup, and soccer in general. Listen up: the game will never be completely accepted in America. Here are the top four reasons:
1. Bad time clock. The clock runs in the wrong direction. When it says 90:12, the numbers get higher instead of lower. So you never know how much time is left in the game. Neither does anyone else.
2. No crowd cheering. Just the buzzing of those blasted horns. That's because nothing really happens in soccer, like a 30-yard pass or a three-run homer, until of course a goal is scored, which is about once every two hours.
3. Women on the team. Oh, wait, those are guys with long hair.
4. Freezing stadium. The coaches and fans are wearing coats and scarves, even though this game is played in the summer. Go figure.
So, the U.S. may never win the World Cup, but we don't care because we are happy with baseball and (real) football, and other games that really make sense.
(If you have any comments about this column, I promise, as sure as the baseball cap that I am wearing, that I will respond to them.)
