Models Direct: How To Be More Assertive
How many times have you come away from a situation feeling that you have been misunderstood or ‘walked on’? Many of us would like to learn how to be more assertive but it isn’t always easy to have the courage of your convictions. Sometimes, the nicest guy or girl can ‘finish last’, simply because they lack the power to assert themselves.
Models Direct would like to share some basic tips on how to be more assertive, to help those who would like to strengthen their relationships, reduce conflict and stress and improve the way they communicate with those around them.
Learn the BFG
The BFG is a way to remember key issues that need to be addressed when you feel that you are in a situation that requires better assertion on your part;
B is for behaviour – identify the behaviour that is causing you concern, e.g. “I felt you were insensitive”
F is for feelings – identify the feelings that this behaviour provoked, e.g. “I felt hurt and angry”
G is for guide – guide those responsible into the behaviour you would prefer, e.g. “I would like you to be more considerate”
Don’t be intimidated but do be respectful
Don’t be afraid to say what you mean and ask questions if it is necessary for things to become clearer between you and those you communicate with. It will help you both to understand each other better. Speak your mind but be polite with it, use a firm but pleasant tone. Being more assertive should not appear rude - it is possible to be both direct and respectful. Never confuse assertiveness with aggression or pushiness. Compromise is often a helpful tool in healthy communications.
Keep it simple and don’t feel obliged
If you are unhappy with a situation or feel that a request is unfair, do not feel obliged to go along with it. When you feel that you need to say “no” to something, do not explain yourself with unnecessary details – stick to simple fact.
If someone has asked you to do something that you do not have time for you can simply say so. You don’t owe them a complex explanation about why this may be. It helps to include something positive in your simple response, for example “I’d love to help you out but I’m afraid I’m too busy today” (they do not need to hear a list of things you have to do).
Remember body language
Being more assertive vocally is not enough on its own; your body language must reflect what you are saying. Try to relax, stand tall and always look people in the eye - you will find that they respond much more positively.
Photo:
http://www.prlog.org/
