Hassle-Free Homework®: Repeating an early grade does not mean failure

March 23, 2010 - PRLog -- Dear Dr. Fournier:

Our son is in the first grade. We just came home from a school conference where the teacher recommended having him repeat the grade. His teacher says our son is not able to work independently, daydreams and wants to play. If he is with other children, he wants to talk, even in the classroom when the teacher is teaching. He’s not a straight-A student but he does make Bs except for a C in reading. His teacher says he will need stronger reading skills to do second-grade work, which is mostly why she is recommending we hold him back.

Why should our son fail first grade because he daydreams or talks and is not the best reader? We know he will eventually read, but why does he have to do it perfectly now? He’s only 6 years old and won’t be 7 until August. We have to make a decision by the end of spring break.  What should we do?

Tom and Annette M.
Bremerton, WA

Dear Tom and Annette:

When our generation went to school, knowing that a student failed or was “held back” was always hot back-to-school gossip. For that student, the stigma lingered for years, sometimes into adult life.  It was not just the stigma of failure. What hurt most was humiliation in front of peers.

Framed by these personal experiences, our generation is now asked to make school-related decisions that will affect our children’s lives. We must remember that schools have changed drastically in the past generation and our old perceptions and fears no longer apply.

ASSESSMENT

In this generation, children do not color and play their way through kindergarten and first grade. By kindergarten, they are learning to read and write; by first grade, they are doing board work and ditto sheets, expected to know how to concentrate and organize themselves to work independently.

Kindergarten has become what our generation remembers as being first grade. First-grade work is what we recall from second or third grades. With these increased demands, placement in what seems to be an age-appropriate grade is not necessarily placement in a developmentally appropriate grade.

Even for children of the same age, personal development can differ tremendously during the early grades.  This underscores what most parents have observed for years: A difference of six months in age can mean a vast difference in development for “younger” kids with summer birthdays. The pushed down curriculum is a triple burden on a child: To learn more, sooner; to be still and quiet as you do it; and to do it well. What we are really asking a 6-year-old is to act older than he or she really is.

WHAT TO DO

Don’t rely on your memories of school “failures” to make this decision.  Recognize that you need – and probably lack – objective information, and that you cannot let emotion blind you.

Here are some guidelines to stir your creativity in developing a learning process for the decision ahead:

•   Get rid of the term “failure.”  Your son has not failed first grade.  Instead, ask yourself about his “developmental readiness.”  Could it be that he started school too early for the academic demands? If so, this may be a rare opportunity to correct a decision previously made with insufficient information.

•   Visit with second-grade teachers. If possible, ask to sit in on a class. Listen to the instructions and observe the independence expected of the children. Ask to see representative homework assignments. Ask the children how much time they spend on homework (and, therefore, how much fewer playtimes your son will have). Talk to other parents about the workload and how much they must intervene with schoolwork at home.

•   Ask yourself if you honestly believe your son is ready to do the work and feel successful at it so that his motivation doesn’t become your major.

•   If second grade reminds you of your third or fourth grade, try telling your son as he gets ready for bed that you want him to grow two feet taller by tomorrow, or even by the end of spring break. If he can’t do it physically, should you ask him to do it mentally, emotionally or socially?

Once you have gathered objective information, ask yourself what is right for your son. Whatever the answer, I hope your decision allows for family time to have precedence over school and for you to enjoy your son’s gift of daydreaming and verbalizing.  Only you really know if second grade is right for him. Your decision should not be an emotional nightmare; it should be a gift that no one else can give.

CONTACT DR. FOURNIER

Have a question about education, education-related issues or your child’s schoolwork or homework? Ask Dr. Fournier and look for her answer in this column. E-mail your question or comment to Dr. Yvonne Fournier at drfournier@hfhw.net.

# # #

For 30 years, Dr. Yvonne Fournier has been helping children become more successful in school. Her column, "Hassle-Free Homework," was published by Scripps Howard News Service for 20 years. She holds her doctorate in education.