Terrible Twos | HappyHourMom.com

Feb. 20, 2010 - PRLog -- I think Madelyn is starting to full-force hit her terrible 2s @ 17 months… I mean, she’s been throwing fits for about 4 or 5 months now, but last night takes the cake. She threw the motherload fit for 2 HOURS! I wanted to pack my bags and leave – everything I did p’d her off… I held her, mad. I put her down, mad. I played toys, mad. Got out the crayons, mad. Went downstairs, mad. Went back upstairs, mad. Red books, mad. Put her in the bath, mad. You get the picture… Until finally @ 6:45 I said, “Night night!” and put her in her crib where she screamed for 15 minutes and then fell asleep. She really had herself worked up! I’m pretty sure the base of the fit stemmed from her being tired, but usually when she’s tired, her tantrums aren’t anything like this. She was screaming and balling and her face was beat red! She wasn’t sick or anything, just mad! We had the windows open and I’m pretty sure someone was going to call the authorities on me as it sounded like I was beating her. Then this morning, back to giggles… until brushing of the teeth when she shoved the toothbrush away and started to cry – I gave up and wasn’t even going to attempt, so off to the sitters….

I am certain you have reached the first stage of disequilibrium which often begins at about the 18 month mark.  Of course, you do say that your little one has been a fit thrower for a 4 or 5 months – this may be indicative of a strong personality or the fact that she gets results when she tantrums (or both), definitely something to observe and consider.

I ask you to think about what works best for you when you are mad and tired.  For me, it is the opportunity to complain to someone who has a calm response, limited activity, and rest.  I don’t want to be (and usually can’t be) cajoled out of my mood. I just need to get through it.  The more the people around me try to entertain me the madder I get.  Perhaps this was the case with Madelyn.

When your child is melting down, I encourage you to find a space that is comfortable for both of you, and just let her melt – the toddler version of complaining.   Let her vent without interruption, acknowledge her frustration and anger, keep her safe, and don’t allow her to be destructive.  When she calms, put on quiet music, set books out that she can choose if she likes, or turn on a video.

You do not need to engage in finesse parenting.  It is not your job to heal all of her moods and provide a constant source of entertainment.  Times of unhappiness are part of life, even in toddlerhood.   It is your job to help her learn to cope, and that requires a high level of coping on your part, which means on some days you will both feel the need to throw yourselves on the floor kicking and screaming.

P.S.  Let her  brush her own teeth and then finish up when she is “done.”

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