Agressive Behavior | HappyHourMom.com

Feb. 20, 2010 - PRLog -- When my child doesn’t get his way, sometimes he will strike out at me, either kicking me or hitting me, and/or using angry words (”If you don’t let me do XYZ, I won’t ABC!!”).  I try to stay calm and explain that I won’t let him hurt me, but I would love some suggestions on how to handle this situation.

It is not unusual for a child to lash out physically or verbally when frustrated, it is just unacceptable.  Children need to be taught other ways to express their feelings and those lessons cannot be taught in the heat of the moment.  That is why trying to calmly explain to your son is ineffective.

Commit to reversing this bad habit.  Tell your son, in a calm moment, that you are sorry you have let this bad habit develop.  Let him know that everyone feels frustrated and angry sometimes, but that does not mean that we can hurt each other.  Talk about different, acceptable ways that he can express his anger or frustration.  Explain to him that if there is any hitting or kicking all activity will stop immediately whether you are at home or out.

The next time he hits secure his hand, look in his face, and say calmly and firmly “you may not hit me.  I am not going to allow this any longer.”  Walk him to his room or another safe space and tell him you will come and get him when you are both ready to talk.  Do not require that he sit on a bed or in a corner.  Allow him to play and to have his comfort items.  Do not time the “time-out.”

When he is calm and you are, too, invite him to come out and re-iterate the new rule – “Hitting is not allowed at our house.   I will help you learn other ways to behave when you are angry that do not hurt people.”  In a non-punitive way, cancel afternoon plans or utilize a magic phone call to help cement the lesson.  Articulate to him that when he has had some practice and is exhibiting good self-control, you will return to the park or to play dates, but for now he will need to play at home.

Carolyn Gatzke
Parent Coach
M.A., Human Development

Carolyn Gatzke began her education in child development nearly 20 years ago when she enrolled at Long Beach City College. That education culminated in a Master of Arts degree from Pacific Oaks College in 1999, with a specialization in early childhood education and an emphasis in leadership.

Carolyn taught preschoolers for eight years in programs that required parent participation and education and focused on the development of the “whole child.” She also worked with toddlers at high risk and developed and coordinated a childcare resource service for CalWorks (California’s Welfare-to-Work program) through Long Beach City College, along with volunteering extensively in the Long Beach area PTA.

However, it was not Carolyn’s formal education or love of children and teaching that led her to a career as a parenting coach; it was the incredible joy she experienced raising her own daughter, now a young adult, and her belief that joyful, effective, parenting is a possibility for every family and a benefit to every child.

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