Dedicated to my beautiful wife Fay
The family is the oldest institution on earth, and it plays a very important role in human society. Throughout history, strong families have helped to make strong nations. Today the family is in crisis badly needing repair. Many marriages today are not as strong as they once were. In America divorce has moved from the margins to the mainstream of everyday life. Marriage has become a risky undertaking, which starts out as a relationship of great joy, and quickly becomes the most painful endeavour in one's lifetime. Many have divorced mainly to end life's anxieties, only to discover it merely exchanges one set of problems for another. Many separating couples will fantasize about the perfect divorce, the sudden end to unhappiness, replaced by serenity and joy. But such a state is just as eternally elusive as the perfect marriage. Before hasty decisions are made to divorce, the couple should be well informed of the consequences of their decision. The following highlights a few of the important effects of divorce.
The breakup of a marriage often results in a "financial setback" especially for women. In most cases the children remain with the mother, allowing the father to pursue a new life. Women often have to find work, as well as deal with the emotional trauma of the new family arrangement. Studies have shown that men's income steadily increases while women's decrease. Often the new family will have to move into more affordable housing, and lower their standard of living, leaving less options for the children.
"Parenting issues" with the children is another area of concern. A working relationship may not always exsist, which will result in the courts designing a custody arrangement which may not be suitable to both parents. Much pain and grief result when both parents want the children on special days or occasions. Often vindictive words and actions will be exchanged between fighting parents. Custody of the children and visitation rights have long dominated the family court agenda and continues to do so.
Then the "effect of the divorce" may have lasting consequences on one or both parties. A wide range of emotions will emerge, from anger, resentment, to loneliness and even love. When special days arrive, that were once celebrated, sadness can be all consuming. Years after divorce, some are still confused about why and how it all happened. They wonder, "can anyone ever love me again?" Lasting effects come from divorce, from changing personalities to extreme measures as suicide. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage, but sadly many never become accustomed to divorce.
Divorce has a devastating " effect on children" as they are usually caught in the middle. They are carted off to the homes of each parent on a regular basis. Often they may hear disturbing talk about their Mother or Father, and may be influenced to take sides. Children are often the forgotten casualties on the divorce battlefield. Studies have shown that children are not only content, but fully aware of a failing marriage, long before the divorce. They really don't care if Mommy and Daddy sleep in different beds, as long as the family is together. The structure that the marriage provides, appears to maintain a consistent direction to which children respond, even when the marriage is less than ideal.
Is divorce the answer? We can view a marriage as a run down house needing repairs. It's weathered storms and now it's in a fragile state, it's collapse seems imminent, or is it? In such a storyline, the owners would acknowledge that their house needs repairs. They can sell the house and move, but then they would not have enough to purchase a better home. So they sit down at the kitchen table and weigh the consequences of moving or staying. They know the neighbourhood, the park is nearby, even the school, plus the grocery store. Their family is nearby as well, and how they enjoy their visits, especially the anniversaries. So what does the couple do? Sell or repair? They decide to restore the family home to it's former beauty, and along the way they enjoyed the satisfaction of seeing the benefits of all their hard work. The result is that they never talked of moving again, as they just loved their home. It was picture perfect!!
Is divorce the answer? In some cases it is and is very necessary. But unhappy couples would do well to consider the options available to them. Once the problems are identified they can resolve to repair them together. Setting reasonable goals to achieve positive results will ensure success. In many cases the couples want the same things in life, love, security, and excitement. Often couples fail to have meaningfull conversation for weeks at a time. Rather than make problems bigger by divorce, couples may be encouraged to contain the problems before they are unrepairable. As a run down house can be made beautifull again, so can an unhappy marriage.
Here we are in a new decade with record deficits never before imagined. Divorce continues to cast a dark shadow on the American economy by changing the dynamic's of our resources. The fall of the once great Roman Empire was due to the breakdown of the family, the " DNA" of society. We can learn from that ancient example by discussing family problem's at the kitchen table. Is divorce the answer? Hopefully not.
Photo:
http://www.prlog.org/
