Attachment
For many pink cherubs and heart-shaped candy are reminders of relationships that are less than perfect or the pain of lost love. Singles that feel alienated and possibly depressed become more withdrawn during this holiday, especially if thoughts inevitably lead to relationships that have ended. However having a significant other is no guarantee against stress, since trouble in a relationship can be magnified at this time, and happy couples must deal with the pressure of spending money on gifts and/or the perfect evening out to mark the holiday.
Psychologists at UCLA’s Relationship Institute tackled the question of what are the best strategies for couples handling stress, many of which can be used by singles. Here’s what they came up with:
1) Identify Stress – As potent as stress is, it’s easily overlooked as the source of flaring tempers and even physical depletion. Recognizing it in your partner or yourself, allows a person to make exceptions and treat themselves or their significant other kindly.
2) Take Over Responsibilities – This is very useful when your partner is feeling overwhelmed. You should not expect any type of reward or words of thanks; you just take over responsibilities until the storm subsides. Singles can use this model to help out friends who are going through hard times for a variety of reasons; their payoff is taking attention off their own woes and getting the satisfaction of helping someone else.
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4) The Basics – Relationships are about two people taking care of each other even through difficult times. Showing your partner how much you appreciate them even in small ways and never resorting to name calling or delivering ultimatums are ways to safeguard your relationship. Singles, like all persons have a relationship with themselves, the basis of all relationships that come afterwards, and being kind to yourself sets the precedent on how you will treat a person you become involved with in the future.
5) Do Something About It – Take the time and effort to keep your relationship fresh by setting aside time to do activities together, and be willing to seek professional help if this is what it takes to get things back on track. For someone alone, this might be the moment to forget your fears and join new clubs or classes or someplace you can meet new people. Sitting at home pondering on your woes will never bring you a solution. If you recognize that you are suffering from more than just the blues, talking to a friend or a therapist should be your next course of action.
Marlene Pardo is the director of Miami Hypnotic Center and a certified master hypnotist. She sees clients with issues ranging from health, self image, relationships to sports performance among others.
As an expert in hypnosis and behavior, she is available for comments or interviews. For further information call (305) 520-9497. Members of the press can find more information online at www.MarlenePardo.com
