“After doing many conflict mediations with couples, I learned that the main sources of conflict boiled down to some basic elements that could have been avoided had the couple talked about them before getting married, says pre-marital coaching expert Jivi Khehra. “Things such as, when to have children, future career goals, place of residence, and in-law relationships are all important points of discussion before the big day. Couples were going into marriage not understanding each other’s personality styles as well as who they were as people under stress. This lead me to think, why not create a space where couples can create a roadmap for their marriage. Marriage is like a journey that we want to make as positive as possible as we will be traveling very close to another person that is completely different than us.”
“I find it so fascinating that people spend so much time, money and energy preparing for that big day and yet as a couple there are so many issues that are not discussed before they say their vows,” says Jivi. “In this day and age couples need to be on the same page about their life interests and goals, not just the colors they want to use for the wedding day. It’s about learning how you will act and communicate while you are in conflict. The more you know about yourself and your triggers, the better you are equipped to handle conflict when it arises in the first few years of marriage. Sometimes it’s as simple as going through a basic life check list together. Sometimes it runs deeper than that when the couple has conflicting ideas of marital happiness. All things we discuss before the big day.”
So why is marital pre-coaching an uncommon practice in comparison to marriage counseling after the couple has said their vows? “Maybe because the couples get caught up in the bliss and excitement, says Jivi. “Planning a big wedding can sometimes be an easier task than sitting down with your partner and discuss the issues that may not be entirely comfortable to discuss. We tend to think that our love and intentions will fix things when times get tough but I’ve seen such amazing success in the long run with couples that take the time to meet prior to their big day to talk about these important life issues.”
Premarital coaching is common in religious services but should be more of a mainstream practice. “The 50% divorce rate needs to be wake-up call for all couples preparing to exchange their life long promises. Maybe couples would take the institution of marriage more seriously if they were to talk it our rationally before the big day,” says Jivi. “We spend so much time in preparing for the wedding but we don’t spend the time preparing for the marriage. If you ask the couples that are succeeding in their marriage you can guarantee it has to do a lot with their ability to communicate to each other. They will be the first to tell you that marriage is not easy but with the right tools it is a partnership you can grow with for many years together.”
Jivi Khehra loves her work with new couples. It’s the non traditional engagement gift idea for any new couple preparing to walk down the aisle. “It could take as little as one session or it could take more but at the end of it all you will be stronger couple for it and certainly will have the tools needed to beat the odds of divorce in today’s society.”
Some other points of interest:
· Jivi Khehra got into this line of work because she saw so many couples getting divorced earlier and earlier and then when in mediation the conflict was a fairly simple one that could have been avoided. Often Jivi found herself thinking: Why did they not talk about this before they got married?
· Understanding each other requires understanding yourself and what your personal triggers are, if you know this then it will be easier to communicate your needs as well as listen to your spouse
· Coaching is not counseling, Jivi does not go into past issues but rather helps the couple build their one year/five year goals together. This includes personal and careers goals. Couples that know each other goals can helps support each other through the goals.
· Couples have a lot of fun during the sessions and learn more about each other than they would ever expect, Jivi often hears, “I never knew that!”
· Jivi also works with couple by talking about what sort of a family environment they had their
upbringing in so that they can understand what that means for their goals and the barriers they
· and of course, Indian Chai is always served to all the couples! At one point someone called me to ask about my “chai coaching” sessions. I was featured on Omni’s Chai Time for this topic
Jivi Khehra is available for an interviews or is available to be a contributing writer for your publication on this subject matter. Please contact the Media contact person below.
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About WInds of Change:
The Pre-Marital Service is available through Winds of Change Consulting. Jivi Khehra is the President and CEO of this innovative company that provides Business Consulting, Conflict Resolution & Mediation, and Executive and PersonalCoaching. Winds of Change provides these services to private, public and non-profit organizations as well as individuals nationally and internationally. We have expertly accepted both large and small scale projects. Our qualified team can assess your organizational needs, make recommendations, and assist in implementing the necessary steps. We will bring this to you in a relevant, meaningful, and respectable manner. Our team of qualified professionals have extensive experience providing services in areas such as but not limited to: Strategic Planning, Leadership/Executive Coaching, Team Building, Change Management, Communications, Conflict Resolution - Mediation and 3rd Party Intervention. With over 19 years experience, the Winds of Change team has provided exceptional services to organizations, employees and individuals that are resourceful, distinctive, and most importantly, customized and tailored to meet each organization or individual’s specific needs and unique challenges. The Winds of Change team continue to expand and offer services to more organizations and evoke excellence within ourselves, our clients, and their employees.
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