Dr. Yvonne Fournier
Dear Dr. Fournier:
So much stuff is written about how money is usually the cause of a lot of family problems. Not with my family, not that we’re rich because we’re not. But homework is our problem and trying to get my daughter to stop playing and get her homework done is a battle. It is interfering with family time and causes a lot of stress between me and her and me and my husband. She’s fine until I say, “It’s time to stop playing and get your homework done.” I don’t understand this. She gets to play from the time she gets home from school until dinner, and when it comes time to do homework, she starts pouting, which turns to fighting, then crying. I have to sit down and help her every step of the way. What can I do to change her attitude toward homework?
Julie C.
Sante Fe, NM
Dear Julie:
Many parents think that after seven or more hours of school, children need a break. Parents have told me, “They need to play.”
Yet the homework problems persist.
ASSESSMENT
Julie, it appears you allow your daughter to play after school until dinnertime, probably around 6 p.m., and then she’s expected to start her homework. When she doesn’t, you start reminding her by saying, “It’s time for homework.” You quickly see that your daughter’s mood turns negative and she becomes unappreciative, maybe even resentful of the reminders.
She knows she needs to finish her math problems, read a new chapter in social studies, make diagrams for English, and study for a science test. The problem may be that she is overwhelmed and immediately begins asking herself, “How can I get it all done?”
Before long, your daughter has figured out how to get it all done, with your help! Now, you’re reading with her, checking and explaining the math problems, doing the diagramming, and calling out questions for a pretend science test. No wonder homework is causing family problems. What a night!
With the best of intentions, you have been developing and cultivating procrastination in your daughter. As your daughter played, she probably was thinking about and worrying about having to stop playing and start on homework. But instead of establishing a plan to get the job done, she just waits for homework time and then she panics.
Rigid assumptions lead to rigid conclusions. We would all like to be able to play after work each day, but we know that’s not reality. Just as adult responsibilities change each day, so do our children’s. We all need to learn how to adapt to those daily changes.
WHAT TO DO
Take one day at a time. To meet each day’s new demands, we must restructure our time accordingly.
Each day, a child needs to assess the demands of homework, family obligations and other activities. On some days, the homework load might be light, and outside activities, such as participation in organized sports, might demand more of a child’s time. On other days, like before an upcoming test, homework and test preparation would need to take precedence.
The skills of planning and time management are not too advanced for children to learn. Just remember that no one is born with these strategies in their genes or in their brains. We have to learn them and thus children need to be taught these strategies as well. And they need to practice them daily.
Julie, have your child make a completion plan for homework and other responsibilities each day after school. On it, have her write, record or dictate the plan to you. Once written, have her also draw pictures (studies show this improves memory and recall) that represent the task and just how the plan will be carried out that evening.
For example:
3:30 – 4:00 p.m. Eat a snack and play.
4:00 – 5:00 p.m. Work math problems and take practice spelling test. Set a timer to know when it is 5:00 p.m.
5:00 – 5:30 p.m. Play outside. Set a timer to know when it is 5:30 p.m.
5:30 – 6:00 p.m. Review for science test. Write practice questions – answer before bedtime to help remember.
6:00 – 6:30 p.m. Eat dinner.
6:30 – 7:30 p.m. Read social studies chapter, draw picture notes and diagram sentences.
7:30 – 8:30 p.m. Watch TV show.
8:30 – 9:00 p.m. Take a bath and get ready for bed.
Depending on the demands of the day, your child should schedule the most difficult work at a time when she is fresh and thinking is best, or tackle easier tasks right after school for a sense of accomplishment that comes with completing a task, then wait until after dinner for more challenging work.
Julie, make sure you monitor your daughter’s completion plan, then allow her to carry it out. If the completion plan doesn’t seem realistic, give her time to prove success or failure and set aside a time at the end of the week to discuss ways to improve her new homework system.
Just as adults don’t feel like always structuring our workday in the same way, children need flexibility, too.
CONTACT DR. FOURNIER
Have a question about education, education-related issues or your child’s schoolwork or homework? Ask Dr. Fournier and look for her answer in this column. E-mail your question or comment to Dr. Yvonne Fournier at drfournier@hfhw.net.
Photo:
http://www.prlog.org/
