Connie Hammer, MSW & PCI certified parent coach
Are you a new parent getting ready to return to work? Are you struggling with indecision and vacillating between worry, concern and guilt? Welcome to the club. Most new moms alternate between feelings of confidence to occasional pangs of doubt and regret regarding their employment choices but making the best decision for you is possible.
“Unfortunately, working mom’s guilt seems to lurk around every corner in our media saturated culture and causes even the most self-assured mothers to question how they measure up.” says Connie Hammer, MSW and PCI Certified Parent Coach of The Progressive Parent, LLC who has been working with children and families for two decades. “Establishing a healthy way to manage these emotions and maintaining a sense of peace about your role on a daily basis will reap many benefits in the long run.”
Whether you are currently coping with the guilt of leaving your child to go back to work or you have a sporadic yet ongoing relationship with it, it is possible to develop and maintain a mindset that will bring peace and harmony to your soul. Here are four tips that might help you alleviate, prevent or deal with guilt:
1) Trust That You Are Not Alone - You do not own the market on guilt. Guilt has been shared by every parent, moms and dads, for centuries. Guilt is defined as an awareness of having done wrong accompanied by feelings of shame or regret. Your choice to work or not to work is neither right nor wrong, it is what you believe is best for you and your family at that time. It can always be altered.
2) Develop a Polite Yet Restrained Relationship with Guilt - Because guilt seems to be a fact of life it is best to find a constructive way to deal with it. Guilt can be persistent, like a nagging neighbor tapping at your door for days on end. It just wants to be recognized so try inviting it in. Once you open the door be polite but do not entertain it for too long. Simply acknowledge its presence, briefly listen to what it is telling you, name it for what it is and then graciously ask it to leave.
3) Surround Yourself with Supporters - Be wary of the company you keep and stay away from people who set off feelings of guilt. If a certain relationship is draining you by constantly triggering guilt or causing you to question your every parenting move, make a choice to eliminate this confidence snatcher, if possible. If dissolving the relationship is not possible, practice positive self-talk when around them and invent creative comebacks or find respectful ways to avoid them.
4) Take a Mental Health Day - When everything else fails take time off to help you regroup. Spend a day with your child doing what feels pure and authentic. Look upon it as a chance to recharge your batteries in order to help you better sustain your connection when apart. Concentrated bonding sessions such as these can feed your soul and boost your energies in other areas of your life, such as work. Remember also that these occasions sometimes land in your lap. When you are forced to stay home because your child is sick, seize the opportunity and make it a time for a quality experience.
Hammer encourages all parents to remember that nothing is permanent and everything is temporary - the sun will always shine again and your guilt will also pass. For parents who are either struggling to make a decision or those interested in more support and information about resolving back-to-work indecision or guilt, Hammer is offering a free call on Wednesday, January 20 at 8:00pm ET. To learn more about how this call can help you or to register go to http://www.theprogressiveparent.com/
Photo:
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