1. Time heals
Whether you wanted it to end or not, you will mourn the end of a relationship. The stages are similar to grief and can include denial, anger and regret. Be prepared for many emotions and allow yourself time to heal.
2. Keep on good terms
Don’t make your ex partner your arch enemy. They are the other parent of your children and as such they have a right to have their say. However difficult, try to keep discussions open and non confrontational.
3. Quality time
You and your children will go through a period of readjustment. Ensure that you make the effort to spend lots of quality time with them and tell them what is happening. Obviously they don’t need to know all the details, but they need to know who will be living where.
4. Make a home from home
If you are moving to a new home that your children will visit, make sure you have a bed, some toys, dvds, medicine, clothes etc ready for them. Make it a second home where they feel comfortable.
5. Keep a Routine
Any parent worth their salt knows that children need routine. If you or your ex partner has visitation rights, keep them regular and try not to disrupt the process. Occasionally it may not be convenient for a visit, but ultimately your children lose out if the routine is disrupted regularly.
6. Unmarried dads need Parental Responsibility
If you were not married to your children’s mother you do not have parental responsibility. You are still legally obliged to pay child maintenance payments but have no legal right to see your children. Speak to a solicitor about how to get parental responsibility.
7. Keep a diary
If you are fighting for custody and have had your visitation rights cut off, keep a diary of all events and conversations. Understandably it is upsetting. A Family Court will be objective and they take all evidence into account.
8. Stay fit
A long drawn out custody battle will take its toll on your emotions and well being, especially if you cannot see your children often, or if you and your ex are not on good terms. It sounds simple, but take care of yourself, eat fruit and vegetables and take time to rest. You need to be fighting fit for your children.
9. Want what’s best for them
Ultimately the family court, solicitors and social workers only want what is in the best interests of your children. Bear that in mind if things get tough. If you love your children and want what’s best for them, it will be transparent to a family court.
10. Take legal advice
If you have no contact with your children, you would like more contact with your children, you are fighting for joint or sole custody or you are a concerned grandparent or friend, you can contact a solicitor for advice to see where you stand.
To find more helpful advice and guidance for separating parents please visit http://www.childcustody-
Lucy Bower.
