The introduction of a new member to a family unit can have a significant, often lasting impact on inter-and intrapersonal communication and other dynamics that typify interaction within a family structure. An expert in the field, based in Gauteng, has developed and made available a program to help both adults and children cope with change and the responsibilities of dealing with a new born baby in the home.
Cizelle Louw is a Pretoria-based registered clinical psychologist with twenty years experience in private practice specialising in the field of family development.
Being a mother of five presented Cizelle with a unique opportunity to juxtapose her own life experience with that derived through her work and give impetus to her special interest in young families and the difficulties members – especially older siblings - might have in adjusting to the birth and arrival of a new baby.
Among the most common of these issues are feelings of rejection, of being overlooked, of isolation amongst older siblings in the family and a misperception of what a new born baby represents to the family.
All of this can have negative affects on emotional development of children, on their self image and self esteem.
“One study revealed that nearly every older sibling becomes a little ‘naughtier’
“Having raised children of my own, I realize that sibling rivalry can be a huge challenge. Therefore I made a special effort to help each of my kids adjust to the birth of a new brother or sister,” she adds. “This became a part of my aim to help people in similar situations.”
Clearly, having spent many hours with young children who experience difficulties in adjusting to changes to family structure as a result of a new born baby, there was a need to take an initiative beyond that of the counseling sessions.
“As to whether or not adjustment issues have any long-term affects on people, we cannot generalise but I often consult with adults who project or communicate troubles they are having in their lives, some of which can be traced back to the arrival of a new born baby. For example, one hears people express the fact that for some inexplicable reason, they do not get along with their brother or sister and there is a lot of tension in the relationship. Of course there could be any number of reasons for this, but often it is due to a problematic adjustment to the introduction of a new member to the family structure,” Cizelle explains.
Her interaction with people dealing with these feelings inspired an initiative involving the development and marketing of a CD-based program Cizelle calls Caring Family.
This is currently available to the local market and is targeted at any families expecting a baby or that is already struggling with difficulties within older siblings based on the arrival of a new baby.
A caring family
“Caring Family is presented in the form of three compact discs that, as a whole, cover all aspects of this multi-faceted area of family development. It is used as a foundation to inform, advise and guide each member of the family through the process of adapting to the arrival of a new member to the unit,” says Cizelle.
“It has been developed and tested over ten years and has, as its core, a methodical means of addressing the main issues of jealousy, uncertainty and other emotions, that often arise with the introduction of a new sibling,” she adds.
The Caring Family Program incorporates focused teaching, information and guidance for parents – including relaxation exercises. “This is really important. Stress is naturally part of this process and one of the key objectives of the Program is to help parents relax using effective, clear methods that are practical and easily understood,”
Caring Family also provides tutorials on a number of relevant topics that are relevant and important to parents and their management of the situation and interaction with children.
Some of the more pertinent subjects include how to prepare children for the arrival of a sibling, how to best deal with feelings of anger and jealousy, how to reassure children that they are loved and the arrival of a new born baby does not change their important position in the family unit.
Cizelle has also paid attention to the inherent advantages of multi-media to reinforce the benefits of program content. Music has been incorporated and used as a technique to enhance the relaxation component – a very effective means of communication and engagement with the end user.
There is also a title song produced and designed specifically for children and are linked with stories included in program. This is an open, easy, honest means of interacting with children and helping them to grasp key messages and main themes.
“One of the most important aspects in dealing with these issues is quality time with children and open, frank and honest communication,”
