Disciplining pre schoolers…02 Seeking Attention ….and being defiant

Feb. 23, 2009 - PRLog -- In this series am highlighting the approaches to be used for a child seeking desperate attention and thereby turning defiant.. …

The Sharmas were hosting a house warming party, and had invited a host of people to their new home, the centre of attraction was little Priyali all of 3 years, decked in her new skirt with matching jewellery and tinkling anklets….she was the cynosure of all present…the little one was basking in the attention…when all of a sudden she realized that the people slowly stopped fawning around her and were glued to the breaking news on the new plasma TV..

Priyali tried to prance around sing a song to recapture the attention of the people, but the attempt was in vain…so she took the last resort picked up  the remote and changed the channel… Initially this little prank brought out gasps of amusement from among the guests, her mother picked her up and changed the channel back again to the breaking news, despite the non verbal cues of a wide eyed stare from her dad ,within a jiffy the child went across the room and switched off the control on the TV and stood defiantly in front of the screen….

The father picked the child up, while whispering something into her ears and took her away from the living room, and stayed away for a while comforting the child that she was the apple of his eyes and occupied her with other games in the quiet of her own little play corner… The most appropriate act to have been done in this context …However..

The collective gaze and mood of the onlookers was suddenly transformed, as the adults connected in social conversations shared their opinions and unsolicited advice. “Can you imagine?” asked one observer in a somewhat judgmental, yet rhetorical, manner. “No child of mine would ever get away with this …It is not only unacceptable, but also downright disrespectful!”

“ Mr. Sharma better nip that in the bud now and let her know who runs the show,” replied another. “If she can’t control her now, what will she do when she is older?”

“Poor little thing,” responded one person. “I think she’s very tired;

Another observer determined that the second time she switched the TV was deliberate. She firmly believed that the child was fully aware of her action and deliberately did it the second time. The first time could be interpreted as playful, but the second time, she explained, was a calculated act of defiance .It is the parent’s responsibility, she insisted, to communicate to the child what behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable.

As another observer attempted to defend the toddler, based on the argument that the child was too young to fully understand inappropriate behaviors, an unforgiving onlooker insisted that she needed her hands slapped. She contended that it was the quickest way to convey appropriate behavior and to extinguish inappropriate actions early in a child’s development:

The living room, as this scenario illustrates, was filled with an array of spontaneous and diverse opinions from a group of adults, who had their own ideas and experiences about what they deemed to be appropriate child behavior and how children should be disciplined and socialized. Their perspectives, like many among the families and care providers we encounter in homes, child care, pre schools   generated a number of important questions and issues that parents and other care givers struggle with daily, some misconceptions which came out of the discussions that evening are listed below….

•   Children under 5 should always accept what their parents say as being true.
•   Nothing is worse than a child who does not feel great, and respect for his/her parents.
•   A well brought up child is one who does not have to be told twice to do something.
•   A child should not be allowed to talk back to his parents.
•   Preschool children should pay more attention to what they are told.
•   Children should not be allowed to be among adults in a party..
•   There are many things under 5-year-old children must do with no explanation from  their parents.

Contrary to the above popular beliefs , the act of Mr. Sharma by taking the child away and explaining to her about the inappropriate behavior and consoling the child while reassuring her that she was still his darling ,will sink into the child and 9 out of 10 chances the act will not be repeated by Priyali….

Gentle positive reinforcement coupled with explanation of the inappropriate behavior will always result in better understanding from the child.

For more information, Visit: http://www.kidzee.com

# # #

Zee Learn is the education division of ETC Networks Ltd., an Education & Entertainment company that is part of the Essel Group. ETC Networks Ltd is a listed company on NSE and BSE.