“Many domestic violence shelters in the United States have begun to sound the alarm that abuse of women and children is on the increase as many men are stressed financially and feel unable to solve their problems. The people they have sworn to love are now paying the price for their fears and are seeking help from churches and community shelters in record numbers,” explained Golden, who is an advocate for women having healthy relationships and lives.
“By nature when humans feel pressure we tend to turn that pressure on others. We don’t pick on people bigger than us or even our own size. We go after those weaker and unable to defend themselves. Men are not the only ones guilty of this. We must all be on guard and find positive ways to alleviate the pressures caused by uncertainty of the future.”
Nerissa Golden is the author of a Truly Caribbean Woman’s Guide to Good Love and the founder of the Young Entrepreneurs Symposium and Truly Caribbean Network, a non-profit foundation established to create opportunities for Caribbean people globally.
She recommends that couples discuss their fears openly with each other. “Fears tend to disappear when you shed light on them. They only exist in the shadows of our mind when we keep them to ourselves. They grow bigger and become reality when we don’t speak up about them and to the fears. Sharing your concerns with your husband or wife is vital. When we know someone share’s our burden we no longer feel alone.”
The entrepreneur said that Caribbean men are especially pressured to be problem solvers and can feel inadequate in this time when their jobs and businesses may be on the line. “Don’t wait for trouble to come to you. Be proactive and research the possibilities. For each challenge work on a solution that can be achieved without having to close your business. It may mean downsizing, cutting back on your lifestyle choices but by all means take action. When we take positive actions we are confronting the fears and not allowing fear to control us.”
“Rather than go into cave mode and try to figure things out by yourself, I advise men to actually reach out more to their wives and girlfriends. This is the time to be more involved in what is happening around you. Help with the dishes, laundry, and other household chores. Assist your children with their homework and getting them ready for bed. The focus is no longer on yourself but on those that matter to you and that relieves worry and also you are using a new currency of your personal time that they will appreciate.”
For women, she cautions that they should not use the pressure he is feeling from the outside as the excuse why they permit themselves to be abused. “It is never valid to abuse a woman or a child. Immediately speak up that his actions are unacceptable and be willing to walk away,” she suggests. “Many women may also feel the pressure to accept the abuse as their spouse or partner is the main provider in the family. This she said is not acceptable and outside assistance must be sort. “You can lose your life while trying to keep the man in the house because of the money he brings in. Your life is not a worthy trade.”
Golden, who is also a single mother of four said that every effort must be made to alleviate stress as the tendency under pressure is to lash out at those closest to us. “Be very watchful of increased areas of stress and find positive outlets to combat the pressure you may be feeling. Children and spouses are not verbal or physical punching bags. It is actually a time to reach out in love and give to others. The greatest power to overcome fear is love and this economic challenge is a good time to practice this.”
“As crazy as it sounds this is the time to give more. Giving does not always have to be money. You can give your time. Community groups are always looking for men and women to volunteer their time. Many are always willing to give cash but there are times when your presence to assist and mentor young people is priceless. Get back into sports, running, soccer, or basketball. Find a positive outlet to reduce stress. There are many natural resources available in the Caribbean that many of us do not make use of. The beach, the mountains, rivers, the sunrises and sunsets that we market to the rest of the world are all freely available for us to enjoy here at home.”
Nerissa Golden’s The Making of a Caribbeanpreneur:
More ideas on combating fears and finding solutions to financial and emotional struggles are available online at www.trulycaribbean.net. The author and speaker can be contacted at info@trulycaribbean.net for advice and training.
Captions:
Author and entrepreneur Nerissa Golden encourages women not to accept violence because of fears that they will lose the man’s income in their home. Rather than lash out verbally or physically, she advises men to get more involved at home and support their loved ones. Golden is the author of The Making of a Caribbeanpreneur:
