TEMPLE, Texas –– Holidays can trigger a secondary grief for people who have lost loved ones. Not only have they lost someone dear to them, but they’re also facing the loss of what Scott & White Hospice bereavement coordinator Terry Jackson calls their “future stories,” the ideas and expectations of how life would have continued to unfold with their loved ones. For instance, when someone looses a spouse late in midlife, they must let go of their dreams of celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary or retiring to a dream home together.
At Scott & White, Jackson supports families and friends who have lost loved ones in hospice care for at least thirteen months after the death. He offers several tips for people who are facing a holiday season without their loved ones:
• Honestly recognize the reality of the grief, hurt, and sadness.
• Release typical or unusually high expectations of what the holidays should be like.
• Do only what you truly feel like doing or what you can manage.
• Avoid situations where you might feel overwhelmed, such as large parties and gatherings or events that you have traditionally attended with your loved one. If you begin to feel overwhelmed, it’s perfectly fine to leave early.
• Reconsider your holiday traditions:
o Continue traditions if they seem to bring you comfort.
o Break from tradition if the thought of keeping a tradition is too much.
o Consider creating new traditions.
• Strike a balance between having alone time and supportive time with others.
• Do things that bring you comfort, such as:
o Sharing your feelings with close friends and family
o Being open and honest about your vulnerability
o Asking for what you need
Jackson and social worker Vicki Jordan facilitate “HUG” (Hearts Understanding Grief) groups at Scott & White for those who want to work through their grief in a support-group setting. HUG groups are open to anyone who is dealing with grief and loss. Scott & White Chaplain Judy Hoelscher helps staff Rays of Hope, an annual camp for children who have lost loved ones.
Scott & White Hospice is a non-profit, hospital hospice program that serves the five county area surrounding Temple, Texas. A specially trained staff provides care to terminally ill people, their families and their caregivers. For more information on Scott & White Hospice, its bereavement services and HUG groups, and Rays of Hope, please call (254) 724-4090.
