Unlike The Princeton Review or US News & World Report which name hundreds colleges and universities as “the best” (at what?), The Roller has named its Top Four list of the best colleges/universities for rolling down a hill.
Our annual list is designed to help parents, students, and guidance counselors choose the school that best suits future college freshman who share our belief that rolling down a hill is an important part of life and deserves to be a part of higher education.
The Top Four list has some surprises this year. All are schools you probably never heard of, contain information you never thought about, and reflect changes in methodology that don’t affect the outcome.
University of Alaska - Tundra
Originally part of the Holiday Inn chain, UAT has continued its legacy of clean rooms and mediocre food.
Most students are attracted UAT for its Polar and Bi-Polar Studies Department and The Flat Range Research Institute.
But studies are not the only thing that students find here. Being just 200 miles from the Arctic Circle, upperclassmen love to tell unsuspecting freshman to get drunk, drive over the ice-covered tundra, and go sit on top of the world.
While classes can be demanding and/or boring, the freedom to roll wherever and whenever gives this school a Top Four listing.
California College of Alternative Art, Design, and Belief
This college prides itself on being ahead of the avant garde.
The cafeteria serves its coffee in old 35mm cameras, the Music Department is ironic with its deaf-mute symphonies, and the Corporate Design Department is housed in Marxist Studies.
This is an “anything goes” place, though the students admit to hating the small-minded provincial taste and ideas of those who live in the area.
Though not a college for everyone, it draws most of its non-traditional students from well-to-do traditional families.
What earns this school as Top Four listing is their belief that rolling down a hill is equal to any other activity or idea.
Hunter-Thompson College
Though a small liberal arts college, this sports-dominated school stands by its slogan “We pre-game harder than other college’s party.” It claims the highest rank for alcoholic poisoning of any NCAA school. (Students and parents point to the administration’
Air hockey, a sports bar, and tailgating draw students to the Mug at the Student Union Center when classes or homework become too much.
H-T earns its Top Four rating for the rolling hill next to the Student Union Center which is responsible for the popularity of free-form rolling that has taken root on many campuses.
Manchild College
One of the few remaining all-male colleges, Manchild College is proud of its well-endowed endowment fund, overly-competitive atmosphere, and active Greek life.
The students are not defensive when they say the small size of its classes has noting to do with the quality of students.
All freshmen are automatically entered into a core of courses called “The Human Experience”. Credit courses in Basketball Attendance, Yard Work in Administrators’
Manchild College earns Top Four honors for having the longest, straightest, rolling hill of any NCAA school
