A dilemma of wondering if it is better to back off from their grandchildren haunts just about every gran & granda, they are torn between abandoning the case because of the tension the children go through even after having obtained the legal right from a judge to see them on a regular basis. One granny, Mary, said, “I don’t know what to do, if I leave them be, it will break their heart and if I don’t, what kind of life are they having being subject to parental alienation.”
Mary and her daughter had a normal relationship and had no problems like this until her daughter got involved with another partner. The new partner made it quite clear from the outset that he was now in charge and a granny was no longer required. The children, a boy aged 10 (from her daughter’s first marriage) had lots of contact with his granny. The present partner is the father of the little girl and has not allowed very much contact.
On visitation day after Mary had travelled 150 miles to see the children. The partner appeared and told Mary his daughter did not want to see her ever again. When they were alone her grandson said “Gran no matter what anyone says to me, I love you and I will always want to see you”
Mary has been accused of being insane, an alcoholic and unfit to have contact with her grandchildren. Her doctor of 24 years said there is no evidence of mental illness or alcoholism. Mary does not drink. In court her daughter hangs her head and says nothing. Mary said “she knows this is not true, and I cannot understand how she can allow these lies to be told she is a very changed daughter. The partner glares at Mary throughout.
There is a very strong determination for the partner to win over a decision the judge arrived at when all evidence gathered pointed to continue contact was in the children’s best interest.
Mary said “I would walk away if the children did not want to see me, if it was in their best interests. I have no stomach for all these lies said about me and the pressure is taking its toll. If it was not for the support of Grandparents Apart I don’t know how I would have coped”
We can only hope the judges involved stick to their guns and continue to make decisions in the best interests of the children. Mary wonders how many court cases must they go through before it is finalised or the judges get weary and give in to the partners manipulation of the law.
We have grannies that have been told by judges ‘you are a loving caring granny’ but still gave a ruling against them because of animosity between the adults. This makes us wonder about the effectiveness of our courts when decisions made are really not in the best interests of the children .
Ends
Jimmy Deuchars
Grandparents Apart Self Help Group Scotland
22 Alness Crescent
Glasgow G52 1PJ
0141 882 5658
